Prioritizing for Maniacs Tool #3

Eisenhower Matrix This tool works by having you decide whether it is urgent or not, important or not. When you realize that a task is not important and not urgent, it makes it easier to see that you should not be stressing over getting it done, even if having it

Prioritizing for Maniacs: Tool #2

Slaying the Perfectionism Dragon G.K. Chesterton said, "Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly." This quote baffled me for so long, because I was not only a perfectionist, but I was obnoxious about it. I took real pleasure in my "superior way" of doing just

Prioritizing for Maniacs: Tool #1

In a recent post, I discussed being busy for things rather than against things. It takes discipline and vision to achieve that; I find it also takes building better habits and troubleshooting problems almost continuously to keep a forward momentum in the face of never-ending duty and distraction. Learning to

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Grief tastes like a rarebit sandwich

In Defense of Professional Momplainers

A while back, a friend was talking to me about a content creator, Renee Reina, whose focus is on motherhood, domestic inequity, and such. This woman has made some excellent videos making obvious that one parent working a 9-5 does not mean the stay at home parent should work 24/

Airline Uniforms: professional or passé?

While many industries are retiring dress codes or uniforms that force their female employees to conform to patriarchal beauty standards, a glaringly obvious exception can be found in airline uniforms for their flight attendants. In the event of a water landing, are you hoping your flight attendant wears heels with

Don't communicate “preferences” about your partner’s body: The Internet’s Least Favorite Take

I have gone viral and negative-viral several times each. Whenever I’ve gone “neg viral,” my comment section and DM’s are filled with men responding to my defense of the female body with how porn-like images are “theirs and every other man’s preference, so good luck being single!

Ruby Franke and Self-voyeurism

Self-objectification and self-voyeurism is the lifeblood of the Insecurity Industry. Advertisements and magazines train women to evaluate themselves from a third party perspective–historically through the eyes of men, and more recently through the faux Girl Boss archetype who does all the stuff the male-pleaser used to do but now

Busy Being For Something

One of my favorite lines is from Fr. Patrick Peyton, an Irish American immigrant who hosted a long-running radio and TV show dedicated to promoting family prayer. He's best known for his slogans "the family that prays together stays together," and "a world at prayer

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Unaltered Beauty campaign by CVS

CVS, a pharmacy in the USA, has a campaign for the photos they use in their cosmetics aisle. The Beauty Unaltered initiative is based on the idea that they do not thin, smooth, or digitally alter their cosmetics ads in order to help the mental health of the customers buying

Seeing Women From Space

I had thought that going into space would be the ultimate catharsis of that connection I had been looking for between all living things—that being up there would be the next beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe. In the film “Contact,” when Jodie Foster’s character

Reflection on Matrescence and Self-Image

It seems there are as many opinions on motherhood as there are people. So when a woman finds herself at the culmination of her maidenhood, teetering on the epoch of matrescence and the irrevocable changes that come, she has heard that parenthood, and more specifically motherhood, is paradoxically both the

What the "It's All Labor" Battle Misses

Embattled women everywhere are clawing back recognition that rearing children and making home is hard, valuable work, and that they do need real rest. (Predictably, there is a type of guy in the comments trolling these women with tired, sexist accusations, typically fantastical, such as "my wife sits at

Beta testing Our Deprogramming Journal

Edited to add: We are in the process of contacting the testers chosen. The form at the bottom has been disabled. Just like computers can have bad code or a virus that infects their code, so too can our minds contain false and counterproductive ideas. The cosmetics industry is rooted

What am I supposed to do if my partner hates body hair or "heavily prefers" me with makeup/hair dye?

This can be tough, depending on the nature of the partnership, and the partner in particular. For us, if we were dating someone who hated our natural body/face, that would be immediate breakup territory. Inside a marriage, that's a difficult situation, and the extent to which it

What if I become even more invisible if I don't comply?

What if? And what if you find that you naturally repel worthless attention and attract people who like the real you? What if you learned to take up space without feminine performance? "Excuse me, I wasn't finished." "Hold on, let me finish." "That&

How am I supposed to accept things that are literally damage to my body?

(e.g. broken nose, botched c-sections, scarring or burns from accidents) Assuming you can't, won't, or shouldn't repair the damage (see our post regarding treating disfigurements), it looks like you are going to live with this condition. If you choose, that can be a

Do you feel totally comfortable in your natural state? How long did that take?

Helen: In my early adult life, I fully conformed to beauty standards and developed very ingrained habits that were difficult to break. I can say that I've made a complete recovery, and have weathered several visible illnesses with aplomb. It took me four years to recover from hair

You're conventionally attractive white women, what about people who don't have your privilege?

This one is more of an accusation than anything else, but it comes up a lot. Think this through: should people with "privilege" take advantage of it, even if it harms people who are currently disadvantaged by the system? Or should they show solidarity with their fellow human

Why not try to look ugly?

This question is rooted in a profound confusion over our purpose with the work we do. We are not fighting beauty, but the ever-escalating, insane, unnatural beauty standards inflicted on women by a capitalistic system that seeks to make women insecure so they buy "solutions" to mostly invented

Are corrective surgeries that "improve" one's appearance OK?

If someone has a surgery to fix a real problem and a side effect is that they look better afterwards, fine. This is what is called a "secondary effect," and is typically morally neutral if the primary effect is moral. Obviously someone's real motivation might be

Is it wrong to wear a bra?

Sometimes people ask if it's wrong to wear a bra, especially when it "improves" the shape/look of their breasts. There is often the caveat that wearing a bra is genuinely more comfortable? In other words, "If my main motivation is utilitarian, should I not

Do you feel totally comfortable in your natural state? How long did that take?

Helen: In my early adult life, I fully conformed to beauty standards and developed very ingrained habits that were difficult to break. I can say that I've made a complete recovery, and have weathered several visible illnesses with aplomb. It took me four years to recover from hair

Do the people in your life accept your choice to go natural?

Some people have not blinked an eye, and others have made rude comments to us, and behind our backs. In Helen's case, one time she was helping someone take their young children to the beach and was told her leg hair was disgusting. Helen said, "I will

I am really struggling to give up [favorite beauty ritual]. Will it ever get easier?

We feel your pain! It is so hard to grow up in a culture that normalizes having texture-free skin, coiffed hair, bare legs and underarms (and bikini area), wearing restrictive/revealing clothing, having high heels as the only option for formal wear, dieting for thinness, etc., and then...not do